When I began to have problems with my left leg last summer I never in my wildest dreams imagined it would morph into what it did. After the operation in July to remove the bone in my left foot I expected it to heal and go on with my life.
As July turned into August and I returned to the Wound Clinic for my weekly appointment I thought my foot was healing, however I was experiencing mounting pain and not at the site of the surgery but along the bottom of my foot. I complained weekly about the pain only to have nothing done about it. Toward the end of August after more complaints about the pain I was instructed to go to the ER where they would administer a bag of antibiotics in case of "possible" infection.
While this was going on I was dealing with recurring bouts of depression which would only last a couple of days. But even with that, I couldn't get any work done because I was in so much pain. I normally have a great outlook on life and figure everything will work itself out. But still I was dogged with periods of staring out the window wondering what was going on in my life. I can't even describe what was going on in my head but whatever it was I was having trouble pulling out of it. Performing my everyday tasks was becoming much more difficult because of the pain. I continued to do my grocery shopping because I didn't feel right asking someone else to do it. The shopping cart became my crutch to get around the store. Without something to hang on to there was no way I could have walked through the store. It got to the point where I was having one of the kids take my groceries to the van and put them in while I lagged behind just trying to make it back to the car. It had gotten so bad that when I got into the van I had to grab my left pant leg and physically pull my leg into the van.
Bear in mind that all this time I had two magazines to publish but would often find myself sitting at the computer just staring at the screen or turning my chair and looking out the window. By the middle of September the pain was excruciating and was destroying my ability to concentrate on anything. My last two trips to the Wound Clinic I had to call the receptionist and have someone come to the parking lot with a wheelchair so I could get inside for my appointments. They were also kind enough to take me back to my van in a wheelchair.
While all this was going on I had prescription painkillers which were supposed to be taken every 4-6 hours. I took them and kept to the prescribed dosage. I was scared of becoming addicted to them and fortunately for me I have a very high pain threshold so was able to limit myself. I've always used the painkillers to just tamp down the pain to a tolerable level because I've never had a painkiller that actually took the pain completely away.
Depression was taking its toll on me and I even quit going to the museum in Lacon where I have volunteered since 1993. I just couldn't face the pain and effort to go there and try and put on a happy face. Around the middle of September I had two trips to the ER at Proctor and on the second trip I was finally admitted and they actually started running tests. After a couple of days my podiatrist came to see me and tell me I had Osteomyelitis (bone infection) and they recommended an AKA, which in hospital lingo means Above Knee Amputation. I didn't hesitate a nanosecond before saying, "Just do it." If it would end the pain I was all for it. Apparently after a nuclear test they discovered the infection was too far spread in the bone to save.
When I came out of surgery the pain was gone but little did I realize just how much my life was going to change. I was in the hospital for a little over two weeks before being sent to Heartland Healthcare in Henry. I chose Heartland because I had heard they had an excellent therapy department and would be a big help in getting me ready to eventually go home and resume a somewhat normal life. While at Heartland I continued to suffer bouts of depression having to deal with all I saw going on around me. Those of you who read my COUNTING FLOWERS ON THE WALL... are aware of a lot of what I went through. I tried to be as honest as I could about my thoughts and feelings.
Now that I'm home I'm still dealing with minor depression on some days but for the most part I'm doing well. The one person who has been there through this whole deal is my house keeper/friend Brandy Bridges. She took care of Callie while I was gone, got my mail and brought things to the nursing home that I needed. Now Brandy comes by daily and changes the dressing on my leg and does my laundry and shopping. I've come to depend on Brandy and sometimes I think she's like a Mom figure. lol She has turned out to be my guardian angel.
What I learned in rehab is being put to use daily and without that program I wouldn't be able to survive here basically by myself. I don't know yet where I will be doing therapy to learn to walk on my new leg but I'm hoping I can return to Heartland on an outpatient basis. We'll see, first I have to get the leg.
I wrote this to just put some of my feelings on paper (or in the ether) but it helps me to deal with what is going on whether anyone reads this blog or not. If you do thank you.
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